So, after his failed attempt to thwart Disney’s self-governing district, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis threatened Walt Disney World with the possibility of building a state prison on the property next to the “Happiest Place on Earth.”
DeSantis’ idle threat got the wheels turning, and I wondered: what would a Disney prison be like, and what characters would be permanently locked up? So, here it goes:
This one was just too easy. The warden of Disney prison would be former CEO Bob Chapek. No one drew more hatred from Disney fans during his brief tenure as CEO than Chapek.
Chapek eliminated fan favorites like the Magical Express and the Disney Dining Plan. He also instituted the Park Reservation System and charged for Parking at Walt Disney World Resort hotels. The mere mention of his name sends shivers up the spine of Disney fans everywhere. Now, imagine his return as the holder of the keys to the Disney prison.
Thankfully, the return of Disney CEO Bob Iger got rid of some of the awful Chapek maneuvers, but not all. This will allow Chapek to do damage in a place that not many of us will care about.
Plus, since he was removed as CEO, he has nothing else going on and could use the work.
Disney Villians. Fans have been pining for Disney Villians to get their own area in one of the Parks, and now they’ll have it. Just picture it now, Scar pacing up and down the cell block, with the hyenas in tow, looking for their next meal. The Evil Queen from Snow White can be in charge of meal preparation.
Cruella de Vil can create the wardrobes for the inmates, and the Queen of Hearts will be our executioner. Dr. Facilier will direct our musical entertainment and discussions with the “other side.”
There’s plenty of room for all of the villains. Jafar, Ursula, Captain Hook, Maleficent, and Hades, if you sinned against a Disney protagonist, we’ve got a spot for you here.
Disney fans have been dying to get a land in one of the Parks dedicated solely to Disney Villians, and now here’s your chance. All you have to do is commit a crime against a Disney character, and you’re in.
Here’s where things get a little tricky. How do we determine who ends up in Disney Prison? Should it be just a general sin against the Disney community or just someone in the Disney canon of films/television that just annoy/bother us?
How about we start here? Anyone involved in greenlighting Lightyear or Strange World (2022). If you cost the company $300 million, you get locked up.
Ernesto de la Cruz from Coco (2017). He literally killed someone. It doesn’t matter that he’s already dead; he’s going to Disney Prison. And the hunter from Bambi (1942) for scarring our collective childhoods.
Hans from Frozen (2013). Come on, man. Why would you toy with Anna that way? You know what? You got what you deserved in the end, and now you’re headed to Disney Prison.
Any of the villains from the Toy Story series. And last but not least, for all of my Star Wars friends, JarJar Binks.
I’m sure there are many I’m leaving off, but that’s okay. There’s plenty of room for new inmates at the Disney Prison.
So, who needs the Reedy Creek Improvement District or the Central Florida Tourism Oversight Board when you’ve got your own Walt Disney World Prison?
This is actually starting to sound like a good time, we should start clearing the land now. Just think of the rides that Imagineers can come up with using a jail theme.
Hey Iger, you shouldn’t spend that $15 billion in Florida, just let Governor Ron DeSantis build it for you, and then you can charge Disney Guests to come and hang out with the Villians of Disney. Who needs a fifth Park when you’ve got this? It’s a win/win.
Disclaimer: The opinions addressed in this article are the writer’s and may not reflect the sentiments of Disney Fanatic as a whole.