There really is nothing wrong with having a drink or two while you’re wandering around the World Showcase, but this is getting out of control. Since when has it been a good idea to hang around Disney World and get hammered and have a good old-fashioned fistfight?
A few weeks ago, I was walking out to my car, minding my own business, when a fistfight broke out in the parking lot of EPCOT. Two drunk women started to throw down as they were about to get into their cars. Security came and escorted them away, but not before they made fools of themselves and probably got arrested. The best part, they were in the same family. Clearly something is going on there.
The best part of my trip to EPCOT is to head back to Germany and get a nice grapefruit beer (don’t judge). I have dozens of pictures on my phone of my wife and I holding up our beers in celebration of our trip. It’s a little strange, but it’s our Disney thing.
I really don’t mind the drinking, but let’s have some rules about this thing of ours. Can’t we all, as a Disney community, agree on some social norms that we will all follow that will allow you to drink and me not to have to explain to my kids why someone is vomiting in the plants? Agreed? Okay, let’s give it a try.
Related: Disney Park Guests Detail Close Call with “Incredibly Drunk” and “Rude” Visitors
Rule 1: No chanting. I get it. A group of friends or coworkers get together to drink around the world, and they want to have a good time. I even like the t-shirts, but do you need to have a chant going? Everyone gets it; you’re drunk and want to have fun. So be it. But you don’t need a group chant every time you enter a new country. It’s hard to explain that to the kids. Enjoy yourself. Chant somewhere else.
Rule 2: Be cool. There’s no need for fights in the Happiest Place on Earth. It’s bad enough that there are little girls in Cinderella dresses bawling their eyes out because they’ve been awake for 14 straight hours. I don’t need a grown man/woman throwing down in the Mexico Pavilion. At the very least, have some common courtesy and take it to the parking lot.
Rule 3: The kids. Let’s just remember for a second that there are A LOT of kids running around these parks. When my kids were younger, my wife would take them into the family bathrooms while I went into the men’s room alone. One night, she took them into the bathroom in Norway, and when I returned, they were already waiting for me. My wife quickly told me it was “closed,” and we moved on. It wasn’t close. Two people were going at it in the bathroom and that wasn’t a conversation my wife was ready for with the kids. Keep it clean, please.
Rule 4: The weekends are yours. It seems like a good time to come to a general understanding. Drinkers get the weekends, and the sort of drinkers with kids get the weekdays. Let’s be honest; if you’re heading to EPCOT on a Wednesday afternoon to drink around the world, and you’re not on vacation, you may have a problem. Friday night, all day Saturday, and Sunday are now for the drinkers. The families will head over to Magic Kingdom on those nights. Deal?
I think this is a fair compromise between the two sides. Everyone wins and gets to enjoy themselves, and all the parents out there don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on Disney therapy for their kids. One day, when my kids are older, and I don’t have to pay for two extra tickets to the parks, I hope to join your ranks, and I will abide by these rules when my time comes too.
In the meantime, enjoy yourselves, be safe, and please, keep it clean. Deal?
Disclaimer: The opinions addressed in this article are the writer’s and may not reflect the sentiments of Disney Fanatic as a whole.